Wednesday, 11 March 2015

How to become Prime Minister

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Oh so you've read a few sites and know the basics of politics and now you want to take your knowledge further? Great. How about going the whole hog and just become Prime Minister of the UK. Here are some quick and easy steps to make your dream come true!

1) Don't worry about party lines. Yeah you're a Tory, but that doesn't matter when you're trying to win votes. Tell the people whatever they want to hear! It's not like you've actually got to carry out your promises.

2) Say whatever you want about your constituents. Gordon Brown showed how this works like a dream. So, you think some old woman is a bigot? Just say it to your driver. No one will ever need to know.

3) Make the most of your expenses. You're not going to be an MP forever. Might as well make the most of it! Why not go out and get a floating duck house? Might as well.

4) Go on a reality TV show. Recent surveys prove that going on a reality TV show will increase your chances of getting elected. Acting like a cat on national TV is a sure fire tactic. Just ask George Galloway.

5) Cut the welfare budget. The best thing to win votes is definitely to cut things that people vote for! It might sound bizarre but cutting the NHS will definitely help you win votes! People are selfish. They don't want to help each other and having an NHS system is definitely something people don't care about. You won't lose any votes, promise ya.

6) Avoid all questions ever. The trait of any successful politician is to be able to avoid any and all questions set to you. You get asked to go out for a drink? Don't give them a straight answer. Why would you want anyone to know what you're thinking?! Daft concept.

So they're my top tips on how to become Prime Minister. You can follow in the footsteps of our great leaders. You're now ready to be unleashed into the world of politics - off you go!

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